Reflections from Home

It is nearly impossible to put two weeks of stimulus into a blog post. From the new experiences, new foods, newish language for me, and the different culture, there was always something to be observed and absorbed. I entered into this trip scared. And yet when I got there, I found myself mainly fearless. During the trip I learned a new public transportation system (music blasting, lights blaring and all), I rode on the back of a pick-up truck, explored several new cities, learned more about people, and at the same time learned so much more about myself. One of the most incredible parts of going to Nicaragua was not being in a new culture or even directly serving with the kids, but understanding further how my views about global change had been formed and where they stood. Some of the most valuable conversations were had in cafes after a long day of service about how we can make the lives of those we serve easier. They did not focus around the people that we worked with, but the system they were trapped in and how we could be tackle that system. We still remain divided.
Something I never saw coming during this experience was the debate between micro level change and macro level change. We as a collective were unsure how to go about making a lasting impact. None of us felt as if going down to NICA and working with Los Quinchos was enough. We knew that to really make a difference steps needed to be taken after we got home. Rather than being volunteer tourists, we needed to develop something that would be sustainable and really change lives and systems. So many ideas were tossed around such as giving more money to Los Quinchos and ensuring they are able to continue their work effectively (micro level) or retuning home to get more involved in the United States political process. Some even suggested being involved in the Nicaraguan political process (macro). I firmly believe in the first two for this to be successful. We can organize fundraisers and support the operating budget of Los Quinchos. We can also educate ourselves about United States policy in Latin America. I don't see how we can feasibly do more than that and maintain our own sanity while making effective change.
I traveled to Nicaragua to learn more about myself and to practice Spanish. I was able to do both of those things. I was able to better understand how I see the world and how I believe that I can change it. There is so much power from knowledge and going gave me the insights to be able to develop programs that will making lasting change. From day one, I knew that I was going to face challenges in Nicaragua. Some of those challenges were combatting some of my best friends on how best to tackle the challenges we were all facing and the challenges the nation was facing. It was difficult because we were all at different starting points. Some of us had taken the class, others knew very little about the experiences of the nation. This led to a lot of stress and confusion internally for all of us. As I sat there one evening debating over how to make changes, I felt like I was no longer a dreamer. I felt as if others had larger dreams than myself. It took me days to feel satisfied with my beliefs of not trying to tackle the entire Nicaraguan political system. Although a noble goal, it is not feasible for those of us who live and learn far away in New Jersey. I strongly believe in the micro level expanding to the macro naturally for Los Quinchos and I feel no responsibility to get it there. That is up to the Nicaraguan people. During the past two weeks,  I explored how I can personally make changes to develop myself and others around me. I saw how I can make a difference as one person.
It was so difficult to leave the children in San Marcos especially after I had made a particular bond with one child. She didn't speak much english and I didn't speak much spanish, but it didn't matter. We communicated through body language and facial expressions and shared many laughs. I dreamt about her after I got home. I dreamt that we spoke the same language and we were able to create a bond, but it was just as strong as the previous one had been. I was scared because words are how I connect with others. I learned that they do not have to be the only thing. I am at peace with my return because I know although I will miss all of the children, from here I am better able to rally others behind their cause and truly make their lives better. In Nicaragua I can offer them a hug and some words of encouragement. Truthfully, others can do that too. What makes our experience different is what we do now. It's the developments that we make once we are home. The continuation of the scholarship program, the development of new penal systems, the creation of a fundraising page. These things can be long lasting. These things provide continual love, not just two weeks of it. These are the things we travel to do.