It's bad that I didn't blog while I was actually in Nicaragua, but I did journal every day, so my thoughts throughout the experience have been recorded for me to review and digest. The two weeks spent in Nica were full of ups and downs, and it was difficult to absorb all of the information in such a short amount of time. Now that I am back, I feel more prepared to share my experiences and personal development.
Although I took the class on Nicaragua this past Spring, I learned so much more by being in the country. I knew a basic timeline of Nicaraguan history, but our lecture in Nicaragua and our interactions with actual Nicaraguan citizens taught me so much more. I had no idea how corrupt Ortega had become. Yes, it looked bad that he changed the term limits on presidency a few months ago, but from an American perspective I never had any idea of how difficult his administration has made it to vote against him. The 15 year old girl in my home-stay explained to me that although she is of age to get her identification card to vote, she knows she will not receive one for years because she does not identify with the FSLN party. Eye-opening experiences like this happened every day, which constantly made me realize how difficult it is to understand internal issues from an external perspective. I thought I knew so much about Nicaraguan and U.S. relations before I came, but in reality I was barely scratching the surface.
Working with the kids at Los Quinchos was one of the most rewarding and uplifting experiences of the trip. Whenever I felt weighed down by the corruption I was learning about, being with the girls at La Yahoska could lift that burden for a bit. These girls were so joyful, so smart, and so loving. We sewed dolls and purses together (thanks Chelsea!), and played games. I guess I had some preconceived notion that because the kids were from the street, they would be broken or something. But Laura said it best in one of our reflections when she noted how resilient children can be. I grew to appreciate Los Quinchos as an organization because it provides a space for children to mend and become the people they were meant to be. There is nothing that can compare with working directly at the sites to motivate me to continue to support it.
As far as future actions, I still feel very much conflicted. I want to support Los Quinchos. This organization does amazing work and it clearly needs funding. I do believe that the best thing a person can do to enact change is to find one cause and put 100% effort into it. I just worry that Los Quinchos isn't enough. Los Quinchos can only help so much. What happens when these kids graduate from the program? They will still be trapped in a system that is failing them. It's frustrating to think that we have the power to support children so much, but once they grow up they don't have the same resources. It's even more frustrating to think about how much the United States is involved in the structural problems of Nicaragua. Is there more we can be doing at home? Are Americans willing to give up some of their comfort (cheap coffee, produce, clothing, etc.) to benefit the poor majority in countries like Nicaragua? I worry that the answer is no, and that true change is hopeless.
I don't want to end this post on a negative note. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to serve and learn in Nica. I wouldn't have it any other way. I see so much strength in the Nicaraguan people--they have gone through so much as a nation and yet are so full of spirit and hope. There can be a brighter future ahead, we just need to educate more people about these issues to find a solution together.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Reflections from Home
It is nearly impossible to put two weeks of stimulus into a blog post. From the new experiences, new foods, newish language for me, and the different culture, there was always something to be observed and absorbed. I entered into this trip scared. And yet when I got there, I found myself mainly fearless. During the trip I learned a new public transportation system (music blasting, lights blaring and all), I rode on the back of a pick-up truck, explored several new cities, learned more about people, and at the same time learned so much more about myself. One of the most incredible parts of going to Nicaragua was not being in a new culture or even directly serving with the kids, but understanding further how my views about global change had been formed and where they stood. Some of the most valuable conversations were had in cafes after a long day of service about how we can make the lives of those we serve easier. They did not focus around the people that we worked with, but the system they were trapped in and how we could be tackle that system. We still remain divided.
Something I never saw coming during this experience was the debate between micro level change and macro level change. We as a collective were unsure how to go about making a lasting impact. None of us felt as if going down to NICA and working with Los Quinchos was enough. We knew that to really make a difference steps needed to be taken after we got home. Rather than being volunteer tourists, we needed to develop something that would be sustainable and really change lives and systems. So many ideas were tossed around such as giving more money to Los Quinchos and ensuring they are able to continue their work effectively (micro level) or retuning home to get more involved in the United States political process. Some even suggested being involved in the Nicaraguan political process (macro). I firmly believe in the first two for this to be successful. We can organize fundraisers and support the operating budget of Los Quinchos. We can also educate ourselves about United States policy in Latin America. I don't see how we can feasibly do more than that and maintain our own sanity while making effective change.
I traveled to Nicaragua to learn more about myself and to practice Spanish. I was able to do both of those things. I was able to better understand how I see the world and how I believe that I can change it. There is so much power from knowledge and going gave me the insights to be able to develop programs that will making lasting change. From day one, I knew that I was going to face challenges in Nicaragua. Some of those challenges were combatting some of my best friends on how best to tackle the challenges we were all facing and the challenges the nation was facing. It was difficult because we were all at different starting points. Some of us had taken the class, others knew very little about the experiences of the nation. This led to a lot of stress and confusion internally for all of us. As I sat there one evening debating over how to make changes, I felt like I was no longer a dreamer. I felt as if others had larger dreams than myself. It took me days to feel satisfied with my beliefs of not trying to tackle the entire Nicaraguan political system. Although a noble goal, it is not feasible for those of us who live and learn far away in New Jersey. I strongly believe in the micro level expanding to the macro naturally for Los Quinchos and I feel no responsibility to get it there. That is up to the Nicaraguan people. During the past two weeks, I explored how I can personally make changes to develop myself and others around me. I saw how I can make a difference as one person.
It was so difficult to leave the children in San Marcos especially after I had made a particular bond with one child. She didn't speak much english and I didn't speak much spanish, but it didn't matter. We communicated through body language and facial expressions and shared many laughs. I dreamt about her after I got home. I dreamt that we spoke the same language and we were able to create a bond, but it was just as strong as the previous one had been. I was scared because words are how I connect with others. I learned that they do not have to be the only thing. I am at peace with my return because I know although I will miss all of the children, from here I am better able to rally others behind their cause and truly make their lives better. In Nicaragua I can offer them a hug and some words of encouragement. Truthfully, others can do that too. What makes our experience different is what we do now. It's the developments that we make once we are home. The continuation of the scholarship program, the development of new penal systems, the creation of a fundraising page. These things can be long lasting. These things provide continual love, not just two weeks of it. These are the things we travel to do.
Something I never saw coming during this experience was the debate between micro level change and macro level change. We as a collective were unsure how to go about making a lasting impact. None of us felt as if going down to NICA and working with Los Quinchos was enough. We knew that to really make a difference steps needed to be taken after we got home. Rather than being volunteer tourists, we needed to develop something that would be sustainable and really change lives and systems. So many ideas were tossed around such as giving more money to Los Quinchos and ensuring they are able to continue their work effectively (micro level) or retuning home to get more involved in the United States political process. Some even suggested being involved in the Nicaraguan political process (macro). I firmly believe in the first two for this to be successful. We can organize fundraisers and support the operating budget of Los Quinchos. We can also educate ourselves about United States policy in Latin America. I don't see how we can feasibly do more than that and maintain our own sanity while making effective change.
I traveled to Nicaragua to learn more about myself and to practice Spanish. I was able to do both of those things. I was able to better understand how I see the world and how I believe that I can change it. There is so much power from knowledge and going gave me the insights to be able to develop programs that will making lasting change. From day one, I knew that I was going to face challenges in Nicaragua. Some of those challenges were combatting some of my best friends on how best to tackle the challenges we were all facing and the challenges the nation was facing. It was difficult because we were all at different starting points. Some of us had taken the class, others knew very little about the experiences of the nation. This led to a lot of stress and confusion internally for all of us. As I sat there one evening debating over how to make changes, I felt like I was no longer a dreamer. I felt as if others had larger dreams than myself. It took me days to feel satisfied with my beliefs of not trying to tackle the entire Nicaraguan political system. Although a noble goal, it is not feasible for those of us who live and learn far away in New Jersey. I strongly believe in the micro level expanding to the macro naturally for Los Quinchos and I feel no responsibility to get it there. That is up to the Nicaraguan people. During the past two weeks, I explored how I can personally make changes to develop myself and others around me. I saw how I can make a difference as one person.
It was so difficult to leave the children in San Marcos especially after I had made a particular bond with one child. She didn't speak much english and I didn't speak much spanish, but it didn't matter. We communicated through body language and facial expressions and shared many laughs. I dreamt about her after I got home. I dreamt that we spoke the same language and we were able to create a bond, but it was just as strong as the previous one had been. I was scared because words are how I connect with others. I learned that they do not have to be the only thing. I am at peace with my return because I know although I will miss all of the children, from here I am better able to rally others behind their cause and truly make their lives better. In Nicaragua I can offer them a hug and some words of encouragement. Truthfully, others can do that too. What makes our experience different is what we do now. It's the developments that we make once we are home. The continuation of the scholarship program, the development of new penal systems, the creation of a fundraising page. These things can be long lasting. These things provide continual love, not just two weeks of it. These are the things we travel to do.
Monday, May 19, 2014
We've arrived
The whole plane ride here I journaled and self-reflected as predicted. But overall, the reflection process is pretty smooth. I mean this is embarrassing to admit but I teared up when we landed here. It just came over me how blessed I am to be alive and to be given this opportunity to see life outside of my sphere of knowledge and comfort.
On the plane ride I decided that anything I see and experience here, I will attempt to treat it with non-judgement. Things, events, people are neither good nor bad. They just are. I'm working to treat myself in that way too. I am neither good nor bad. I just am. And I am not the center of the universe.
A full circle sort of thought occurred to me from Richmond. While I was there a quote by Martin Luther King Jr. really struck me. "Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or the darkness of selfishness. This is the judgement. Life's most persistent question is, what are you doing for other?"
What am I doing for others? I believe that this is the challenge this trip will force me to face. Because I live so often in a self-centred mindset. What do I want? Where do I want to go? What should I say? How do I feel? To think of others before one's own desires is uncomfortable. But if you ask me if I believe it's worth it, I truly do. My life is only one. Now is the time to change. Now is the time to act. Not drastically and dramatically, but gradually cutting away at my selfish tendencies.
Anyway. That is why I teared up on the plane. A little overwhelmed but truly blessed... With the chance to work to redeem my life.
Ah, yes. Very heavy. Passion fruit was so delicious today! Maybe that's what's gotten into me :P
On the plane ride I decided that anything I see and experience here, I will attempt to treat it with non-judgement. Things, events, people are neither good nor bad. They just are. I'm working to treat myself in that way too. I am neither good nor bad. I just am. And I am not the center of the universe.
A full circle sort of thought occurred to me from Richmond. While I was there a quote by Martin Luther King Jr. really struck me. "Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or the darkness of selfishness. This is the judgement. Life's most persistent question is, what are you doing for other?"
What am I doing for others? I believe that this is the challenge this trip will force me to face. Because I live so often in a self-centred mindset. What do I want? Where do I want to go? What should I say? How do I feel? To think of others before one's own desires is uncomfortable. But if you ask me if I believe it's worth it, I truly do. My life is only one. Now is the time to change. Now is the time to act. Not drastically and dramatically, but gradually cutting away at my selfish tendencies.
Anyway. That is why I teared up on the plane. A little overwhelmed but truly blessed... With the chance to work to redeem my life.
Ah, yes. Very heavy. Passion fruit was so delicious today! Maybe that's what's gotten into me :P
Pre-Nica
So, it's Friday. We leave Monday. Just about finished unpacking my dorm stuff that I was very much procrastinating. Now it's time to pack for Nica.
People have been asking me if I'm excited to go to Nicaragua since... January. The closer it gets, the less I know the answer. To be totally honest, when I think of this trip I become more nervous than excited. In part I think it may have to do with my relationship with travel. Whenever I travel, it is often a time of renewal and self discovery for me, as well as ground works for building stronger relationships with the people I travel with. #nopressure.
People have been asking me if I'm excited to go to Nicaragua since... January. The closer it gets, the less I know the answer. To be totally honest, when I think of this trip I become more nervous than excited. In part I think it may have to do with my relationship with travel. Whenever I travel, it is often a time of renewal and self discovery for me, as well as ground works for building stronger relationships with the people I travel with. #nopressure.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
LESS THAN 2 HOURS!
I am so excited to go to Nicaragua! I've been thinking about this trip literally since freshman year when I got involved with Bonner. After returning in December from a semester in Chile, it seemed like a semester was forever away to have to wait to travel again. I can't believe it is already here! After spending a semester in Chile, I thought that traveling to Nicaragua wouldn't be a problem and that I could expect similar conditions. However, one of my friends who travelled to Nica in the past with WILL and worked with ProNica quickly burst that bubble. She said that her host family lived in "a hut with wood planks for doors and a bucket outside for a shower". As crazy as this sounds, that excited me! My mom was less thrilled to hear that and I think I made her more nervous than she was before (is that possible?). However, I'm excited to have new experiences, open my eyes a bit more, and push myself out of my comfort zone. I'm so excited to immerse myself in another culture, learn and meet more people, especially my host family and the kids we'll be working with! I'm hoping to foster a good relationship with them in the two short weeks that we are there. It will be odd having a second host family though; I will definitely be missing my Chilean family! I can't wait to learn more about Nicaragua and to do meaningful work with ProNica. Traveling is such an incredible opportunity to open one's eyes up to the world and learn so much more than the Internet or a travel book ever could teach you. We're traveling with an incredible bunch that will each contribute so much to the trip and the general group dynamic as well. I have high expectations after the Atlanta trip, but I know this bunch won't disappoint :)
1 hour and 20 minutes!!!!
1 hour and 20 minutes!!!!
LEAVING TOMORROW!
I have been excited to go on this trip since I first heard about it my junior year of college, on a Junior visit day. Four years later I am about to be the person in those photos and having those experiences. Now that it is so close, I am scared! I haven't been out of the country since I returned from Prague. It was extremely difficult to return that time, that I can not imagine how challenging it will be this time. However, I am so excited to immerse myself in another culture. You can learn so much about a nation in a classroom, but your eyes are truly opened up to the people and their way of life when you live with them. It is an experience that you are unable to capture without traveling. I go for adventure and I go to make human connections across the globe. It is one of my favorite things to do. This time for me the best way to do that is through speaking Spanish. I am incredibly nervous about having to speak spanish since when I go to speak in a foreign language they all get muddled into a sentence that only few would understand. Good thing we have that whole plane ride to practice! I know this trip will be a time of growth for all of us and I can not wait to see how it both transforms me, but also transforms our entire group. We are going with a great group of diverse personalities that can do such great work and I can't wait to see both the impact we can make, but feel the imprint that will forever be in our hearts for those we serve, and for each other.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Welcome to Our Blog
Keep up with the TCNJ Bonners traveling on their service-learning trip to Nicaragua! Students will be primarily posting reflections on their experiences in Nicaragua.
Check out previous year's Nicaragua blogs also:
http://tcnjbonnernica2012.blogspot.com/
http://tcnjbonnernica2011.blogspot.com/
http://tcnjbonnernica2012.blogspot.com/
http://tcnjbonnernica2011.blogspot.com/
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